When was the last time you attended a parent-teacher conference? I’ve just come through another round of conferences a couple of weeks ago, our third this year. I can remember when, as a child, my parents only had one conference with my teachers in the fall. That was all. The only reason anyone ever had a spring conference was if the child was struggling in some way, usually academically, because a behavioral problem would have already been addressed. (Correct me if my experience has been different than yours, but back then, the behavior issues were far less serious and numerous than they are today, and they would have been dealt with swiftly and decisively by both the parents and the teacher. The rule at my house was always: if you get in trouble at school, you’ll be in twice as much trouble when you get home.)
Then a few years back it became de rigueur to have two conferences every year, a fall and a spring. I thought that was a little unnecessary. As a teacher, if I need to meet with a parent, I just reach out and ask for a meeting, no matter the time of year. If I don’t need to meet with you, I won’t bother you. However, I complied, of course.
Then along came the pandemic. A third parent-teacher conference was added (via Zoom) to the school calendar before the new classes began in August. This one was to allow everyone to meet each other virtually and to allow the teacher, who had now also been given the task of acting as a kind of social worker, to check on the well-being, not only of his/her students, but of their families as well. Additionally, it allowed the teacher to explain how distance-learning would be handled, a process new to both educators and parent-guardians alike. It was not only understandable, it was absolutely necessary and quite helpful.
Finally, the pandemic subsided enough that in-person learning could resume, much to the relief of almost everyone. For most students, distance learning left much to be desired and did not produce the same level of achievement as in-person, which should not have been a surprise to anyone. We did our best, but it was not an ideal situation. Strangely enough, however, the third parent-teacher conference did not go away, and to be honest, most of the teachers I know, including myself, while we wish we had that time to work unencumbered in our classrooms, appreciate the value of getting to meet our students and their families and allowing those families to begin to get to know us. Everyone seems to feel more relaxed and prepared knowing a little better what they or their child are walking into on the first day of school.
But still…three parent-teacher conferences a year? Couldn’t we get rid of the spring one unless we need it?
Now, come to find out, our state doesn’t even recognize the legitimacy of those before-school conferences! We had quite a few inclement weather days in January this year, much more than the make-up days we had built into our district calendar, so we were trying to work with the state auditor to see how we could make up the missing required hours. The auditor informed the school district that those conferences held before school starts in August don’t count because they don’t contribute directly to the students’ future success. Like heck, they don’t!
The other issue I have with parent-teacher conferences lately is that it has become standard practice to bring the child to the conference. Back in the day (yes, I sound like an old codger), the children were left at home with a babysitter. That’s why they’re called parent-teacher conferences, not parent-child-teacher conferences.
I really needed to meet with a parent by herself last fall because her very clever daughter was trying to manipulate the both of us, and I felt it would be better if she and I could share information and strategize without her daughter taking in everything that was being said and trying to outsmart us. I asked the parent if it would be possible for her to come sans child and unintentionally completely freaked her out.
Now before you jump all over me, let me just say that I recognize that paying for babysitters can be prohibitive. If that is the case for any of my parents, I don’t want them to miss their conference because of the cost of childcare. I teach in a Title I school, and I know firsthand that can be an issue.
I am also aware that there are such things as student-led conferences, and they have their benefits, as well. I’m not devaluing them. It’s just that sometimes, as the old saying goes, “little pitchers have big ears,” and the grown-ups need the opportunity to speak freely without the child around to hear it. Sometimes children misunderstand, sometimes their feelings are hurt, sometimes they’re given too much of a voice in the conference (in other words, more than the parents themselves).
I’m also tired of having to hurriedly clean up my classroom before the next parent arrives because some student’s younger sibling has destroyed it while the parent sits through our conversation ignoring the behavior, never correcting it, and leaves without making the child pick up the mess. Does that sound familiar to anyone else?